Thoughts On What Might Have Been


It saddens me to realize I have more in common with my dad since he passed away than I ever had when he was alive.  Granted, he died when I was just 14.  It was very sudden.  I lost him just at that age when you start to see your father as more than just a father figure.  At that age he becomes more a guide and mentor as you transition from child to adult. 

Here are two major passions I now share with him that I didn’t when he was alive.

Photography and classical music.

I developed (pun intended) an interest in photography in my early 20’s.  At that time I was going to a lot of football (soccer) games and would take photographs of the action on the field.  But the images would never come out as I would see them through the viewfinder.  The players always appeared too far away, too small in the photographs.  So I bought a photography magazine one day, thinking it would help me figure out what I was doing wrong.  This had two effects.  First, I quickly realized I needed a better camera.  Second, a new passion was born.  I bought two cameras, a Praktika and a Canon.   Over the years I have taken hundreds of photographs, even several weddings.

Just like my dad.

Now, in my 40’s, I have a passion for classical music.  This also happened by chance.  I often watch videos on YouTube.  I like to watch stuff from the past, comedy clips, TV shows etc.  For nostalgia, really.

One night I’d just watched something and saw a few links to Popular Classical Music videos.  I watched one on impulse.  Mainly out of curiousity to see how many I knew.  On watching that, two things struck me.  First, I actually knew every piece of music in that video.  Second, I really enjoyed listening to it!  So, after watching a few more I decided to delve into the music of each composer.  Everyone knows the popular stuff.  I wanted to see what else I was missing out on.  So the first night I began with Beethoven.  Then I moved on to Mozart.  Next I tried Tchaikovsky and the next night I delved into the music of Dvorak.

My passion quickly grew into obsession.  I listen to classical music every night.  I just can’t get enough of it.

Today it struck me just how much I have in common with my dad.  It makes me happy to think how like him I’ve become.  He was a good man who brought me up right.  I had a wonderful childhood, full of love. He always listened to his music on with headphones on, I guess he wanted to hear it loud without disturbing anyone. So I never really heard the music as a child. Perhaps if I had I would have taken a liking to the music at an earlier age.

But it saddens me to think of what I’ve missed out on.  The conversations we could have had.  Listening to classical music together.  I like to think he’s watching over me with pride at the man I’ve become.

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